so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
