good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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