he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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