He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
