I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
3 2 1 whiskey
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
