i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
