I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
