last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
