so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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