Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
