I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
