Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
