conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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