Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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