I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
