ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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