Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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