If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
time to smoke my breakfast
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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