i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
