I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
