When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
