you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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