can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
do nipples grow back?
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