i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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