we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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