I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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