I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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