I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
