Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
