The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
