If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
