I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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