There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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