I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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