If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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