i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
