i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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