can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize