I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
