Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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