Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
