were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
