are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
