Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
