no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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