Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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