pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
