i think my mom watched the whole time
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
