if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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