Four minutes until I can fart!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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