I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is my gift to your gina
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
