okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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