guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
