you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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