the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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