I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
