My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
