My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize