just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
