Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He literally asked permission to hit on me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
