I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
