My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
