Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
