dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
