what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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