Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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