dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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